I totally ignored my coach… and now I look back.

Today, I want to share with you one of the biggest lessons I ever learned (and if I’m honest, I am still learning).

This past weekend was my birthday (my favorite day of the year, even on days I’ve worked!). 

When asked what I wanted to do, I decided to walk to downtown (the children would say I DRAGGED them out of the house…) to wander some of the shops and get out of the house.

While wandering, I saw a sign that spoke to me so much that I had to bring it home.

“The Beach: Where doing absolutely nothing is doing something.”

So true, right?

But it reminded me of a very powerful lesson.

When talking to several of my clients this past week, the subject of self-care came up over and over.

One client asked how she could fit in self-care when she was already so exhausted.

Yep, I resonate with that. I have a tendency to go go go until I’m absolutely exhausted as well, then I crash.

Here’s the key:

Saying no more and resting IS self-care!

(Yes, we all know this on some level, but how often do we actually APPLY it?)

When I was working with a high end coach a few years ago, one of the things we talked about non-stop was the need to slow down.

“Jenny,” she said to me (over and over), “you’re doing too much… you’re pushing too hard… you can’t even figure out what you want or what you want your life to look like because you never give yourself a chance to just sit and think. You’re literally taking yourself in circles, over and over… no wonder you’re exhausted and burned out… and not making any progress...”

Seriously, I am not kidding when I tell you that one of my recurrent assignments with her was to block off a day to sit and stare at the ocean (this was when we were living nowhere near the beach but she knew that was my thing!). 

“Every quarter, AT LEAST, you need to leave the hubby with the kids. Then you need to literally grab your journal and sit on the deck and just stare at the waves. For many hours.”

Obviously I’m paraphrasing, but you get the gist.

This was literally one of the assignments that had helped both her and her clients become so successful (like I’m talking 7 figures successful… and the more they did exactly this, the more successful they were...).

And I resisted it with every cell of my being.

Because I needed to be DOING.

How was I going to get anywhere if I did nothing?

How was I going to achieve my dreams by sitting on my ass on the beach?

What about all those things on my to-do list that I wasn’t getting done?

But here’s the real situation…

I was so busy doing all the things I thought needed to be done that I was spinning in circles and exhausted. I wasn’t actually clear on the direction I even wanted to go, so I couldn’t even pick the tasks that would move me in that direction. I was just doing to always feel busy, to always look like I was making things happen.

I just had to stay busy to feel productive.

But that “productivity” was killing my dreams.

And I wasn’t even accomplishing much...

Because even when I succeeded at something, I was too exhausted to enjoy it, or to do the next thing to take it to the next level… exhausted from all the DOING.

In the thread of continuing to be honest with you… I coached with her all of 2018 (literally, it was a 1 year commitment). 

It wasn’t until the middle of 2020, after months of a pandemic locking me in my house… that I actually took the time to start doing what she asked. That I actually started taking that time to allow myself to just sit and BE.

And the results?

I have checked off more boxes on my dreams list in the last 6 months than I had in the last 5 years.

Because I was able to get clear on what I wanted (instead of just going where I thought I wanted or felt I needed to go for whatever reasons). 

I was then able to get clear on WHICH tasks would move me in that direction.

Remember that feeling the need to do a task, then deciding to NOT do that task and cross it off your list… is still completion of that task!

So I started to only do the things that lit me up. The things that would move me forward.

And the last bit of honesty for today?

The first time I made myself sit with nothing but my journal… for only 30 minutes… it was the most UNCOMFORTABLE I’d ever felt in my life.

“Oh my goodness, what am I doing? There are all these thoughts and all these emotions running through me. I can’t stop thinking and feeling guilty. Thinking about all these things I could be doing instead to be productive. The endless to-do list running through my head. Am I just being lazy by sitting here, is this actually going to get me anywhere?”

But I did it. 

And the next time, I went for an hour.

And this week, I’m going for 8 days (minus sitting here writing this for you, which by the way, writing also comes easier when I give myself space because I can feel into the message that you might need to hear).

When we don’t give ourselves true space in our lives, space without any other distractions at all, space without to-do lists to be done or goals to plan or social media to scroll…

Our brains slowly get more and more exhausted.

And we become less and less productive, even though we’re doing so much.

And we hear the messages from ourselves (about what we want, about how we’re feeling, about what we truly need)... even less. Or not at all.

When we give ourselves that space, when we make ourselves a priority and recognize the value of SPACE… we achieve our dreams that much faster.

Because we’re no longer doing just for the sake of doing.

Because we’re no longer pushing and pushing to the point we can’t remember which way is up.

Because we’re remembering that sometimes less is more.

And success isn’t based off of hard work. Or else EVERYONE who works hard would be hugely successful, with all their goals achieved (which we know isn’t the truth!). 

What if, instead, success (in whatever way you define it for yourself) was more about knowing exactly what you want, getting clear and aligned, instead of how busy you are?

What if success could come to you more easily because you weren’t so busy doing ALL the things that you missed the opportunity right in front of you? (Remember how I ignored both my medical director position opportunity and the chance to move to California the first time they were offered… because I was too busy doing and didn’t need one more thing on my plate… and didn’t even see they were EXACTLY what I needed?)

It’s time to do less.

It’s time to take space.

Even when you’re still in clinics, working a crazy schedule… ESPECIALLY when you’re living a crazy life at work… it’s even MORE important.

And it doesn’t have to be an entire day.

It can be 30 minutes.

But thirty INTENTIONAL minutes of sitting with yourself and just noticing what your body is saying. Just noticing what comes up.

And giving yourself space.

What if those 30 minutes could completely transform how you feel? 

Are you ready to try it?